Have no fear of sudden disaster… for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.

Proverbs 3: 25a & 26

Our view

So. We live in California now. A place known for, as one friend put it, sun and silicone. And also earthquakes.

Let me preface by explaining that fear of natural disasters is not something I ever remember experiencing before. We had tornadoes, floods, blizzards, and huge storms in Indiana, flooding and enormous spiders in Scotland (which admittedly probably shouldn’t go on the natural disasters list, but sometimes..), but I rarely recall feeling fear towards those things. They typically kept a comfortable distance, and if they came a bit too close, I still felt there were enough people and enough options for safety that it wasn't something to worry about.

Well it turns out when I’m plopped into the middle of promised natural disasters that I really have undoubtedly, absolutely zero control over, it gets a little more scary.

Whoops! Ended up driving through LA instead of around.. teehee

I didn’t realize how much I was being consumed by coming up with horrible scenarios and trying to decide how I would get us to safety until there were so many scenarios where I had no idea what to do that I ultimately led myself into a breakdown.

We live on the fourth (top) floor of an apartment building. We have two very small (and already pretty unbalanced without shaking thrown into the mix) children that sleep in a different room from us. We are in a city, surrounded by buildings with no open areas, aside from the occasional parking lot, to go once outside. Having never lived in an earthquake-prone area, we are learning appropriate safety measures and hoping we aren’t missing any vital points.

Cool mountains on the way to a friend's house

The first two rumbles I felt seemed novel and intriguing. After those, we bought a little safety kit for our family to have on hand in case we needed to leave the apartment for a few days. The third rumble put me on serious edge. I was home alone with the boys, which is one of my biggest fears in regard to having an earthquake. None of them were large or dangerous, in fact, Ian hasn’t felt any of them at work, but the nature of our apartment building is that they are very noticeable.

Three in two months? I wasn’t expecting that. I began unintentionally thinking about it all the time. I would wonder, as I walked around with the kids, how everyone else seemed so calm and unaffected by this horrible possibility lying in wait. ‘We’re due for a big one!’ they all say with smiles on their faces, as if it’s some kind of game.

Cars, cars everywhere.. full of crazy people who think earthquakes are a GAME

I didn’t realize how out of control things were getting in my head until I found myself crying to Ian about a horrible scenario I had come up with that I just couldn’t handle. What started as a way for me to be prepared should something happen had taken a nosedive off the deep end. I didn’t know how to keep myself from going down these paths of terror in my mind, but I really didn’t want to be doing it anymore.

We talked for a while. My wonderful husband was gentle, kind, thoughtful, and clear spoken. He listened and tried to help me see the molehill that had become a mountain I couldn’t climb. He didn’t laugh or make me feel silly, because he knows what it feels like to really worry. It’s amazing how being able to empathize changes your response to someone who is in need.

I don’t know that we solved my problem right then and there, but I can say it’s something I haven’t given much thought in the days since (I’ll probably be fine until the next rumble :). This morning I came across the verse above and was so encouraged by it I decided to make it a sort of ebenezer. Something I could go back to and be reminded that the Lord has been faithful and that will not change.

Holding on to life too tightly fills me with fear. I have no control over what this planet will do, or the people in it for that matter. That has certainly become a much bigger worry since I have had children; I want nothing more than to keep them safe and fill their lives with lots of Special and Sweet. The reality is they aren’t mine anyway. Everything is the Lord’s and everything is working towards His coming, His renewal.

The Lord is my confidence in this and every other fear of any possible large- or small-scale disaster (for instance, the poop incident this morning). My family and I may not come out unscathed. Horrible things may happen before I die. But I know that, in the end, it’s ok. Even if a massive earthquake hits while we live here, it’s ok. It’s not an easy thing to grapple with, but I know that I can trust. The Lord has walked us through many difficult things in life, and I give thanks again and again for those times and the way they have strengthened my understanding of, and my ability to cling to, Jesus.

I am not my own. My children and husband are not my own. My home filled with wonderful gifts of comfort and sentiment are not my own. It is all his. It’s hard to loosen my grasp, to let go and trust that my hold isn’t strong enough anyway. The Lord has lead us here, to a crazy place where the sun is always hot, palm trees line the roads, there is always traffic, nowhere is unoccupied, and earthquakes are just part of life. I am learning. And it is good.

Sunset.. not quite as beautiful without clouds, but we'll take it!

Providentially, a friend of mine wrote a post in a similar vein today. I saw it just before I was ready to post this and decided to link to it because I found it to be so encouraging. You can read the post here, and read a bit more about her story here.

Dear Asher..

We certainly don’t want your brother to steal the show! What with the timing of my post to Aed and his birthday, it’s starting to seem like you only show up in the background of pictures.. but we both know that isn’t true, don’t we?

So, let’s see.. First of all, you have perfected your Duck Face, much to our surprise.

You started giving us the pout one night at dinner, and now you think it’s just the funniest thing to make Mama and Daddy laugh with your poochy lips. We aren’t complaining! :)

You are the most daring little climber. I can’t tell you how many times Daddy and I have given each other ‘the look’, incredulous that you have found yet another way to get yourself into a precarious situation.

        

                                               

This was just the beginning of your shenanigans. You absolutely love stepping on things (walking down the hall to our door takes forever because there are just so many wonderful door mats to step on!), climbing on them, and you take it like a champ when you (almost inevitably) fall down. We have had to draw the line at some things that are just too high (which brings about much angry squealing from your cute little mouth), but usually we just let you have at it and see what you are capable of.

Another way you love to play is by laying down and moving anything with wheels back and forth.

You most certainly learned this from your brother, and it is hilarious to see such a tiny guy imitating his big brother so nonchalantly in this way. But sometimes, you are the teacher. This..

had never occurred to Big Brother until he saw you doing it. And you both seem to think it’s the best thing ever. Needless to say, the bathroom door is usually closed when you are awake.

Fortunately for the toilet roll, you still sleep a lot! Two naps a day that are a minimum of two hours each! Makes it a bit hard to get out and about, but you are so easy going that you don’t mind if we push into naptime a bit. And you are SO cuddly when you’re tired.

I have never known such an enthusiastic cuddler. You hug your blankie and suck your paci for all they’re worth. You love to lay your head on Daddy’s shoulder or cuddle in to Mama’s neck. You are just the sweetest thing, and we do not take your cuddles lightly. We know that they are special and they are something we will always treasure.

Your hair is nice and curly and your eyes are still a beautiful, clear blue. Something we get a lot of comments on.

They are stunning in the window light and something Mama never gets tired of looking at. You will have the capability of being quite a heartbreaker, but Mama and Daddy are going to try to teach you to use these powers for good and not evil :)

You are a very good little eater, but a bit unpredictable. Figuring out what to feed you is always a task, as it is very possible that you will adamantly refuse to eat something you happily enjoyed yesterday. I am pretty certain this is not true pickiness, but just you exercising some control and preference in your little life, and I am happy (though sometimes exasperatedly so) to oblige and find you just the right thing to eat.

Your recent food love is devouring and mangling chunks of apple till they are mushy piles of grossness that not even you want to eat.

You have followed in your Mother’s footsteps of loving fruit far more than veggies  (the intense passion comes from your Father, however :). Something we will work on, but for now food is fun and a learning experience. You don’t seem at all as bothered as your brother is by messy hands, and don’t seem to have any real allergies (yay!). Though when we feed you hummus this happens..

so we don’t do that anymore.

You are perfecting many adorable animal sounds (with Mama’s version of a zebra being your favorite) and we are continually amazed at how much more you are interacting with the things you see around you. You are a wonderful addition to our family and we could not be more thankful for you. We love you dearly (even Big Brother, who declared you his best friend just a few days ago!) and you fill our hearts so full of love and pride. You are precious, you are enthusiastic and passionate, you are sweet and cuddly, you are friendly and adorable. It is a wonderful thing to be in your presence, little Ash-matash, and I can’t wait to see what the next year will bring.

I’m FWEEEEE!

Was what came enthusiastically from our big boy’s mouth when we asked him how old he was last Thursday.

That day marked three years. Three whole years since we first saw our son’s face. Since we heard his voice for the first time and cuddled his tiny body. I remember so much of that day so vividly, and yet so much of it is a blur. I felt his tiny body and the first thing I said was, ‘He’s real!’ I couldn’t believe he was real. Sometimes when I look at him I still can’t. I have a hard time even believing how much he has changed since his last birthday.

The only thing that has really changed about him since my last post is he is almost completely potty trained! He’s going all day in undies and all poop and pee goes in the potty – amazing! I never thought he’d catch on as quickly as he did (especially after the first week when it seemed he still had no idea what was going on, ha!) and he loooooves getting special stickers when he goes. It’s so great to see him so proud of his newfound independence!

We kicked his big day with Aed’s favorite breakfast – pancakes! The child loves breakfast anyway, but when it’s pancakes he eats as much as Daddy does :). I threw in a few chocolate chips here and there just for fun.

I did attempt a mickey mouse, but found it more creepy than fun, so I didn't mention to him what it was supposed to be.

Since our apartment is so small and we don’t know lots of people yet, we just had a small group of people over to celebrate Aed’s birthday. He really wanted a Thomas cake. Then he really wanted a Cars cake. Then Thomas. Then Cars. So we compromised. 

I had SO much fun coming up with this cake and figuring out what to use to make the various parts. I love decorating baked goods, but I also love avoiding piping bags whenever possible :). I only had to pipe a tiny part of this cake, which was great, and everyone loved it (though after seeing it, the Birthday Boy just wanted to play with Thomas and Lightning). Makes me very excited for our next cake celebration!

We had a delicious dinner of Aed’s favorites as well: Hamburger Things (A Goshert Classic that I have passed on to my husband and children), macaroni and cheese (aka orange pasta), broccoli, and fruit salad. We also had plenty of time to play and open presents and we just couldn’t believe how blessed we were! Our little guy is such a gift to us, and we are so thankful for him.

Another thing I started with him this year is the 20 Questions Project. You can learn more about it here, and I thought it sounded like such a fun idea! Basically, starting on birthday #3, you ask your child 20 questions about their favorite things and write it down. I've made a little album for Aed (and have one waiting for Asher) to keep pictures of him (and his cakes/parties) along with his answers to the questions each year. What a special thing for all of us to have to look through and see how our little guy has grown!

Just as a p.s. Aed has done this for a long time and I love it..

He ‘tucks in’ various toys so they can have naps. So cute! :)   

Dear Aed..

                              

I’ve been thinking and decided it’s high time to write down some things that I adore about you right now.

You are such a big boy.. almost three! I can hardly believe that’s possible. I am so amazed when I watch you engage with your world. Even on the boring days when we stay inside and do nothing much, you seem to find things to wonder about (Mama, what’s that sound?), things to attempt (Look, Mama! I’m jumping on the couch!), things to take in (Mama, I saw a campervan! Is another one coming?). Watch out on the days we go out and do something exciting. You will play in the rain until you’re shivering uncontrollably and run through the park until your head is dripping with sweat and swim until you’re so tired you can’t walk. Daddy and I have to get awfully creative to find ways to get you to willingly come inside.

Last time enjoying the West Sands

On a walk, randomly stopped, sat down, and informed us he was 'praying for Pippers' (my parents' dog)

Showing me a beetle he had accidentally destroyed in his quest to figure out what it was doing

You are an incredibly sensitive little soul. The things that seem to touch you or upset you never cease to surprise me. A rousing rendition of ‘On Top of Spaghetti’ that brings you to tears (What happened to the poor meatball?). A simple noze nuzzle that fills your face with that sweet little grin. The request for a BIIIIIG kiss before bed that sends you giggling. Your concern that Mama is ok when she accidentally trips over the buggy (you actually tried to help Mama up, you sweet thing!) or when she burnt the cake (The cake is burning and that makes you sad, Mama.).

You are so enthusiastic about the scenarios you come up with for your toys. Your brother often tries to get involved, which inevitably leads to you throwing your body over your toys to protect them from his little fingers. But, you are getting so good at finding other toys for him to play with to distract him from the ones you are using, and you never turn down an opportunity to run around with your little companion (sharing is easier when we’re sharing steps and giggles than when we’re sharing toys, huh buddy?). I love to listen as you play, to hear the creativity pour out of you, unbound by the practicality and realism we wrap around ourselves in adulthood. Scooters talk to space ships which become goggles that talk to bugs that fall into ditches only to be rescued by the monkey puppet that was just waking up from his nap after you so lovingly tucked him in.

Showing Mama his hot air balloon (see the basket underneath? :)

Another entertaining bit of you that has been ongoing for quite some time now is the way you narrate your own actions. You scream a phrase and conclude by saying, ‘Aed screamed.’ You peer around a corner all the while saying, ‘Then Aedster peeeeered around the corner.’ We often overhear little mumbles about Aed looking out the window, or Aed ‘buffing’ something out of someone’s hand. (You also like to make up action words that are quite cute.)

Did you know peanut butter and jelly tastes better with a hat on?

And playing with Daddy, oh now that is something. There isn’t a boy in this house that doesn’t love playing with Daddy. Be it ‘flying like a police car’ or being chased down the hallway, or singing silly songs together during baths, there is always endless squealing when Daddy is involved. Not to mention the reading. You love to read with anyone, but Mama knows reading with Daddy is special. You’d sit for hours if his voice would hold out. You love Thomas, Curious George, Bob the Builder, Things That Go, Little Critter, anything Dr. Seuss, and on and on. It is rare to find a book you won’t happily listen to, expressing yourself as you sit. I love to watch you fold your hands in your lap, only to cover your eyes or hold your chin when it looks like George is getting himself into trouble again.

You are so friendly. It seems you know no strangers when we’re out. Charming the librarians with your, ‘Hi there! Can I help you?’ and the gas station clerks with, ‘Oh hi! What’s your name?’ We do get the occasional quizzical look when you approach an unsuspecting person with a, ‘Where are you going?’ Or, ‘What are you doing?’ And you’re always asking Mama, ‘Who’s that?’ ‘What’s his name?’ Because obviously, Mama knows everything.

You are handsome and rambunctious. You are feisty and sweet. You are cuddly and outgoing. You are shy and careful. You are amazing.

There is no part of me that doesn’t love you. I love imagining who you will be as I learn more about who you are. Wondering how all this energy will take shape. The last three years have been a wild ride. My first baby, my first Buddy, the first voice that dubbed me Mama. You are the one and only, my little Aedster.