Sometimes Violent Action Seems Appropriate

Like when you are determined not to go an entire month without posting, so you spend several hours of your precious few free hours on Saturday (even though you really should've been working) writing not one, not two, but THREE blog posts to put up at random points during the week, getting pictures all ready and organizing everything so the rest of the world that is actually interested will know what you've been doing with yourselves for the past month.

So everything is ready, but you think 'Oh, I've wasted so much time I'll do some work and then post these...' and you just can't, I mean can't and no one knows why, bring yourself to save them. There's something in you that just needs more closure before you save them. (and now, looking back on the hesitancy, you begin to wonder about your mental health)

So you temporarily move on with your life, forcing your computer to have every application that you need open while working on a graphic-intensive magazine that it can barely handle, as well as three unsaved blog posts that you forget about.

Then. It happens.

Everything freezes.

Being your optimistic self, you think, 'Oh well, all the programs have automatic recovery.. no freaking out necessary.'

So you dutifully turn off your computer, give it a wee break, and turn it back on and begin opening the two most important programs.

And then one of those programs, Word, quits. So you try again, it quits again. Over and over. So you try a few other things and finally get it to open.. Ahhh there they are, all the blood sweat and tears I put into those three blog posts was totally worth it.

So you immediately start to save them.

And then Word quits.

And they are lost forever.

And you try not to cry.

And you consider chucking your computer out the window to wallow in its worthlessness in a puddle out on the rainy street.

Then you curse Microsoft for making such a soul crushing program as Word that just won't ever do what you want it to do anyway.

And you blow lots of other things out of proportion, lamenting your stressful life and trying to remind yourself of all the real suffering that happens every day in the rest of the world.

Your husband laments with you, but that won't bring them back. But in your unfamiliar, pregnant state.. you are defeated. And can't bring yourself to write them again. So you promise yourself and your husband that you will never, never rewrite those posts, they have taken too much from you already and you will not give them any more! (because it's important to be dramatic at times like these)

To which your husband replies, 'It's ok, I'll write them.'

And you will be overjoyed if that actually happens.

Until then, you (being the readers) will never know what went on in the last month.. Except for last Saturday. I guess you sort of know about that now.

I am 16 weeks pregnant tomorrow. My due date is August 23, but I have this feeling it's going to seriously sneak up on me. We have to move to a new flat less than three weeks before my due date. We don't know where that flat will be. I'm in denial about a lot of things (weight gain.. maternity clothes.. you know, buying, like, pacifiers and onesies and stuff.. the fact that an infant is going to live with us in a few months.. etc.). We are freaking excited and freaking out. I am experiencing lots of crazy things all the time and we are moving into our parenting roles well by worrying and trying not to worry all the time. My next scan is April 8th and it can't come soon enough! I'm ready to slap a gender on this baby and figure out some names! Oh, sometimes I'm in denial that it's even really a baby.. and that it's in me.. Does anyone else think this is just ever so slightly weird?

Ok, I've spent enough time on this post. I better quit while I'm ahead.. you know, before everything freezes and I lose my sanity..