Stick a Fork in Me…

So I haven’t blogged in a while, I know. I had big plans and then realized that I was going to have a baby and had a lot of work to do. So I’ve been working during most all of my free time in the last couple weeks and just over the weekend got to a point where I had done all I could do (though in my line of work, that point never lasts very long :).

Just in time to start noticing some contractions that were becoming somewhat regular and more intense..

I have been convinced for a while that I would not make it to my June 12th due date with this baby. It’s just been a different pregnancy, a seemingly bigger baby, far more Braxton Hicks contractions than I ever had with Aed. I didn’t think it was possible that I’d even be close to late.

So, when I noticed over the weekend, I wasn’t all that surprised. Then when they were still coming on Monday I started to get nervous. Then when they kept happening all night and then all day Tuesday, I started to get just plain ready. With Aed, once the contractions started they led right into active labor and his birth.

Seems this pregnancy is still different. I was exhausted going to bed last night and was hopeful that even if Baby was ready to come I’d get some sleep first. With the usual tossing and turning, the night concluded uneventfully.

Then this morning I noticed that while my contractions hadn’t changed in intensity, they were becoming far less regular. Cue disgruntled spirit. We went for a long walk. I vacuumed. I showered. Any attempt to keep moving in hopes that it would give my body the final push into labor that seemed more productive. Not so much. So I decided to take a nap.

I knew as I was laying down that my heart was not in the right place. I knew when these contractions started that they might not amount to anything and that I still might get to or go passed my due date. But now, after having the hope held right under my nose, I was not ok with that.

I slept, and when I woke decided to look at my little ‘blessings’ book for women that someone gave me when I graduated from high school. It has a thought and a verse for each day, and I knew with certainty the Lord had planted something in there that would be relevant for me today. Let me show you what it said.

June 1

When we have Jesus, we indeed have everything. All that God demands of us is met in Jesus. He is the supremely all-sufficient One, the first and the last, the living One. Our greatest need, and God’s greatest gift to us, is to awaken us to the sufficiency, supremacy, and destiny of the Lord Jesus Christ. We are called to an undistracted and lifelong preoccupation with Him.

- Fawn Parish, It’s All About You, Jesus

Verse for today:

No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

- Psalm 84: 11

I was distracted. I was preoccupied. There was no way I was going to be content in my situation until I was able to take my eyes off of my situation and put them back where they belong.

I know all of you have a reason to be patient right now. It seems those opportunities are never lacking. Let me encourage you, and myself, to fix our eyes on Jesus as we wait, and not waste the time we have been given in wait. I don’t think the Lord intended for the time we spend waiting to be used to pine for the thing we are waiting for. He intended for us to live every moment knowing that it is valuable and important. Each task we’ve been given in the waiting serves a purpose.

I still have an afternoon of mothering, a dinner to cook, a house to tidy up, and work to do before I lay my head down tonight. And I might have to do those things again and again before I see this baby’s face. And that is perfect. There is much to be thankful for in all of it.

In the end, we will have a baby. We will embark on a new chapter of life with new challenges, experiences, expectations, blessings. In the end, we won’t give a second thought to these days in between. Which is why I want them to be good. Not tainted with impatience and annoyance, but full of noticing the many ways the Lord has blessed our family. Noticing how big my first son has gotten, how incredible he is. Noticing how big my second son has gotten and enjoying our last moments as we are. Basking in the love of my husband and marveling at the ways he is always ready to do what needs to be done. And, most of all, working toward an undistracted and lifelong preoccupation with Jesus. Because in the end, that’s where the meaning is found. That’s where the worth is in each day. That’s where peace and contentment lie. That is what will bring me through the waiting.