I’d like to present an award..

To myself.

Humble, I know, but you’ll understand momentarily..


See those Sweatpants?

Those are the ones, the ones with ‘Leach Eagles’ and a little eagle on the leg.. Those are my sweatpants from fifth grade. Yes, fifth grade. I have been wearing these sweatpants since I was 11. How many people can say that, really?

I acquired these sweatpants when I was on the cheerleading team. In fifth grade (E-A-G, L-E-S, Eagles, Eagles are the best! Goooooo Leach! Woooo! [attempted leg kick]). That was also the year I got my period, the year I learned it was very important to remember to wear deodorant, and the year I realized I was really not a flexible as I thought and was far too chubby to be a cheerleader. I think it may have even been the year that I found out about my SVT. A monumental three-hundred-sixty-five days in a young girl’s life. I may have even had a boyfriend.. Señor Hellems.. Was that you?

I’m not sure why I still have them (the sweatpants, that is), I’m even less sure of why I can still wear them.. but really, they are the ultimate sweatpants. At some point in their life, I decided they were a little uncool (I know, hard to believe), so I cut the elastic at the bottom of the legs to try to make them less uncool.

I have worn these in public since fifth grade. In fact, I wore them out of the house just last week. The Fife Council rubbish collector men have been exposed to my fifth grade sweatpants.

I decided that since they have been such a part of my life these last (almost) 15 years, they needed to be commemorated. You might think that I would give them the award. Nay, nay. I am presenting myself with this award today, in celebration of my 15 years with these sweatpants.


Thank you and goodnight!