Monday, January 11, 2010
I know you're all probably dying for some Aed and some stories from our time in the States..
Sorry, but not today!
It has been another day that makes me want to sleep until Kingdom come.
I really do think I'll have time to get on our camera and edit some pictures for you tomorrow, but for today, it's just another 'this is why i'm thankful' post.
Today I am thankful for the Holy Spirit. I am thankful that He doesn't give up on us, but keeps prodding even when we are ignoring and oblivious.
Ian and I have let our demanding baby take a lot of time away from our spiritual lives. We were already at a fairly difficult point spiritually before Aed was born because of our respective demanding schedules, and after we were given a very high maintenance baby and no idea what to do with him, it just got worse.
I cannot tell you how easy it is to let my head hit the pillow without giving a second thought to God's Word. I'm too tired. I'll try again tomorrow. And to let my prayer life be consumed with, 'Why is this so difficult?' 'Why is every victory followed by three defeats?' 'Why, why why?'
That, my friends, is a recipe for self-destruction. It's the overshadowing storm cloud that prompted me to start striving to be thankful each day in the first place.
Today I hit a low. We had a long morning with a fussy baby, I have a big deadline on top of me that has already been delayed too many times, Ian is trying to get back into a routine with work, and we had several things we needed to get in town, including some that we were hopeful would help Aed (the kid hadn't pooped in like a week.. seriously, who wouldn't be fussy after that?). I offered to run the errands while Aed slept so Ian could work for a while. Ian thought it would be good for me to get out of the house anyway.
So, I head off and accomplish one thing. Check. Move on to the next. Road block, can't get this one done (this one being the most important one that we thought would help our fussy baby). Frustration and discouragement begin to set in more deeply. Suddenly the long morning seems to have been so much longer and so much more difficult. Move on to the next, there are still things to be done. Road block. I am an idiot. I left the house to run errands with no way to pay for anything. Commence the inner break down.
I calmly return all my items to their cosy places on the shelves, cursing myself on the inside for being so dumb. I begin the treck back home, empty-handed and lamenting what a crappy day this is, and why my life sucks, and how I'm such a failure that I can't even remember a basic thing like a debit card and blah blah blah.
Ian greets me in a manner far too chipper for my doldrums, so I give him my breakdown in the form of tears and hugs. It helps a little but there is still frustration, so we sit together to work it out.
Here's where the Holy Spirit made his move. He prompted me to say the right things, and prompted Ian to hear the right things. And we found that the Holy Spirit can refresh even the most dry of wastelands when given the opportunity. We wholly surrendered our hearts to the Lord together for just a few minutes and committed to forsake our laziness and distraction in order to run this race the way we were meant to.
We are weak and we will keep failing, but we are praying that the Lord will use this day to bring us nearer to him than ever.
The day didn't get much better, a lot of other discouraging things happened. But, they all happened in light of something to be thankful for.
And for that I am thankful.
Postscript. I have considered several times apologizing for being such a downer so often on this bloggy blog as of late. I'm sure you'd rather read about adventures and fun instead of our struggles and turmoil. I'm sure you'd rather see lovely pictures than to keep seeing, you know, words. But, I decided that I can't be sorry. This blog is one of the easiest places for me to process my life, and that is what I am living. Our honeymoon with Scotland is long over. This is home. It is an adventure and beautiful and fun, but it is also groceries and dishes, highs and lows, good days and bad days. I have found great encouragement from being able to put my thoughts out into space and occassionally get responses from people I love. It is not easy to know so many read such personal things, but I'm not sorry you do. The end.
maybe if you come back tomorrow, there will be pictures :)