Thursday, July 01, 2010

Oh my cycling.

We’re not talking bicycling, here. And, don’t worry gentlemen, this post is safe for you.

We are talking this cycle I have developed of motivation and lack thereof.

I know I have written about this before, but I feel like I am still learning, so here comes some more!

This is a list I made a loooooooooooooong time ago to help myself keep our house clean. It’s posted on the inside of my closet door. I have never ever used it. Not once. Not even the day I made it. But I still keep it there because I think it’s a good idea :) And, maybe someday, I might just do it.

I have noticed (apparently my subconscious notices things and then tells my conscious self because honestly, I don’t know when I think about these things.. someone should write a phd on that) that I consistently have days of extreme motivation to get things done, followed immediately by days in which I want to do nothing but sit and sleep and ignore. I have also noticed that this cycle applies to larger segments of my life as well. Periods of months in which I am motivated in certain areas and unmotivated in other areas.

Funny this should happen when all I really want to be is consistent.

Funny how I can’t convince myself on those unmotivated days that it really is worth it to get up and do what I need to do. This is an area of weakness in my character that I really want to work on, and have been trying to work on consistently (ha!). I don’t want to vacuum because someone is coming over, I want to not need to vacuum when someone is coming over because I already did it three days ago like I always do because I am so darn consistent and predictable. Is anyone like that? Do people really make standards and meet them day in and day out? Can it be done?

One time I talked to this guy that had run every day of his life (well.. at least since the day he started running.. and it had been a lot of days because he was kind of old) except for 2 days when he was in the hospital or something dramatic like that. Every stinking day. I was amazed. And then when I thought about it later, I wondered if he had sacrificed more important things in order to run. And then I decided I didn’t want to sacrifice important things and miss seizing moments just for the sake of consistency.

But man, it would be nice to have that kind of discipline and self-control. And to know right where to apply it. Because maybe it doesn’t matter if I’ve vacuumed before someone comes over, really. But, how will I know?

There’s a part of me that thinks this is just something that takes time. Developing. Growing. Understanding. Figuring out what’s really important in life.

Each day matters. Each choice matters. If I choose to use my time well or to waste it. You reap consequences either way.

1 comment:

  1. Good words, friend. We have similar issues, I think. :)
    I always thought that by the time I was 30 I should have it all together, but I'll be 30 in another 1 1/2 years, and barring a miracle, I don't think it is going to happen.